Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
