I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
