let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize