Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
