Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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