i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
