I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
