Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
