Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
