As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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