So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize