Plan B is the new Plan A
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
