god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
MIDGETS
????
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Help. Why am I so naked?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
