I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
