I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
lets start a swedish sibling band together
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
