Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
