I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry about my life...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
