I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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