the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
