Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
