I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
