sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
