do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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