Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
