remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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