We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
