theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
