she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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