she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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