Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
