im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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