No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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