I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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