Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize