YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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