i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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