Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
