Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
