I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
