He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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