if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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