hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
