Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize