Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
