im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
