in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
