Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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