I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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