New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
