just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
