my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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