i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
