Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
