so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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