Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
