I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cockslap morals
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
