I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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