so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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