3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
