I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
