what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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