There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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