Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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