Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
