He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
