so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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