I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
